So I feel like Im at a crossroads in my life. Is there such a thing as a mid-mid-life crisis. because if there is thats what Im having. Dont get me wrong I LOVE 75% of my life, as in all things Joe, Ben, and Grace, the part I cant stand right now is the me part. I feel like theres is so much I want to do, so much Im capable of, so much I should be doing and yet Im not doing any of it. Id love to be contributing to our family finances in some way. I hate not being able to buy my kids amd husband the things they want when they want them. I would love to go back to school. I KNOW Im an intelligent person and could acheive any degree I wanted to, but then the question of "What exactly is it I want to do?" comes up and Im back at square one.
I've been pondering the "What do I want to be when I grow-up" question alot lately and I still have no idea. Things I enjoy include- yoga, raising babies, cleaning, creating for my family a green/clean lifestyle, praying, and party planning. Things I would like to expand on- my desire to craft/sew, my love of all things historical, and a massage lisence. And finally things Im good at- I could talk to post, cooking, and making babies. Ok beloved friends and family how do I take all these things and create a career out of it? Is there even such a career? I feel like Im not making any real contributions to my family or the world around and its got to change.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Ugg.. Lets try this again
Ok. Im going to try this whole blogging thing AGAIN. For me blogging has turned out to be alot like The House of The Seven Gables. Ever read it? Yea, I wouldnt recommend it- and thats saying something because Ill read anything even the back of a soup can. I have picked that book up at least a dozen times if not more. Bound and determined that THIS will be the time that I stick to it and finish it. I have the first chapter memorized verbatim. And the furthest Ive ever read is 3/4 of the way through. Since the first time I picked it up at age 11 I have yet to read the whole thing. It just doesnt grab my attention like The Hunger Games did. I force myself to continue because I feel like its something I SHOULD read. What warm blooded American hasnt read that book, right? And yet I cant do it I hate that stupid book. It is a bane (I think thats the right word) to my existence. Much like blogging. I always start out gung-ho, "Yes Im gonna do this! And eventually some poor sod will pay me for my thoughts and it will be glorious." And then reality strikes and I remember that #1 I hate to write and #2 I wouldnt be able to spell if my last name was Webster. So it too gets laid aside and constantly nags at me that its something I SHOULD be doing. I mean I started it I should finish it. If there ever is a real end to blogging. But out of the 2 things I think in the right circumstances and with the right motivation and material I could enjoy blogging. I will NEVER enjoy The House of the Seven Gables, so blogging it is :) My current focus is going to be on my attempt to help other embrace the clean-eating lifestyle, my kids, my own weight-loss journey, my constant attempt to live a greener lifestyle, my walk with Christ, and finally my endeavour to become a massage therapist and yoga instructor. Pray with my that my motivation sticks and I can keep you all updated on the journey. I know you're all rooting for me this time ;)
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
March 29, 2011
Ok March has not been a good blogging month for me :) But Im going to try and get back on the wagon starting today, it helps me feel productive. My other goals for the day include dishes, laundry, making a white cake with chocolate frosting for my husband, and folding laundry which I detest. Im finally getting into my second trimester of this pregnancy and have so much more energy than I have had for weeks. It doesnt that hurt that for the first time in weeks its beautifully sunny outside or at least it will be when the sun finally comes up.
My random thought for this post is directly related to my pregnancy. I was musing yesterday about how the different relationships in our lives give us different insights into Gods love. And more so the love we give as oppesed to the love we get. For instance my marriage help me better understand the way Gods love is expressed in the Song of Solomon that passionate all consuming type love. Then just recently a friendship of mine helped me better understand Gods never ending love. She terminated our friendship because I disagreed with some of her life choices and told her so when asked. Yet I still love her as if nothing happened and it gave me a better understanding of how God must feel when His feelings for us never change we just walk away and there is nothing He can do short of controlling our very thoughts. And finally my relationship with my children I think gave me the most insight. It wasnt until I had him that I understood #1 how God could love all us, even the screw ups, so unconditionally and #2 it made His love so much more real- for lack of a better way to state that. I mean I can NOT comprehend loving someone like that. It would be like discovering Joe had another child he didnt know about-which is not possible might I add- out there somewhere that had been raised in the most deplorable conditions and suffered the most unthinkable abuses. Now pretend we were given the chance to save that child but to do so we'd have trade Ben for that kid for a year. So for a year Ben would endure all those things but wed get him back and wed be able to give that child the home it always should have had. The catch is not only does Ben have to endur that but theres no guarantee that the other child would want to stay with us. After the year is up that child may very well choose to go back to all that and Ben suffered for nothing. Its mind boggling people!! I can honestly say I could NEVER do that but essentially thats what God did. And the newest relationship to help me better understand Gods love is the baby growing inside of me. Up until I got pregnant the second time I could not truely understand how God could love us all so completely and indivually- as if we were all His favorites. But I understand now. I love Ben as if he was the only one and everything he does is completely amazing and in the same breath I love this baby as if Id never had any other child. I can't even wrap my mind around how its possible to love two seperate beings so completely- one I havnt even officially met- but I do. It also boggles my mind that it takes our feeble minds all those different relationships to even get a glimpse of Gods love and yet He loves us in all those different ways all the time. Never has been or will there be a more complete Love. Its crazy!!! So is the fact that it took all that to get out my random thought about loving my children-BBL
Alright now I should probably get the updates out of the way. I had an ultrasound Friday and they moved my due up a few days. It is now October 13, which because Im having another c-section, means I will be bringing my newest bundle home around Oct. 6. So I have a little over 6 months to purchase all the things I need to bring the baby home, like a crib and car-seat. Omy goodness I just almost give myself an ulcer everytime I think of how much money its all going to cost. Hopefully I can grow a productive enough garden to sell a lot of the produce and help with all the baby costs. Oh it should be an interesting summer :)
My random thought for this post is directly related to my pregnancy. I was musing yesterday about how the different relationships in our lives give us different insights into Gods love. And more so the love we give as oppesed to the love we get. For instance my marriage help me better understand the way Gods love is expressed in the Song of Solomon that passionate all consuming type love. Then just recently a friendship of mine helped me better understand Gods never ending love. She terminated our friendship because I disagreed with some of her life choices and told her so when asked. Yet I still love her as if nothing happened and it gave me a better understanding of how God must feel when His feelings for us never change we just walk away and there is nothing He can do short of controlling our very thoughts. And finally my relationship with my children I think gave me the most insight. It wasnt until I had him that I understood #1 how God could love all us, even the screw ups, so unconditionally and #2 it made His love so much more real- for lack of a better way to state that. I mean I can NOT comprehend loving someone like that. It would be like discovering Joe had another child he didnt know about-which is not possible might I add- out there somewhere that had been raised in the most deplorable conditions and suffered the most unthinkable abuses. Now pretend we were given the chance to save that child but to do so we'd have trade Ben for that kid for a year. So for a year Ben would endure all those things but wed get him back and wed be able to give that child the home it always should have had. The catch is not only does Ben have to endur that but theres no guarantee that the other child would want to stay with us. After the year is up that child may very well choose to go back to all that and Ben suffered for nothing. Its mind boggling people!! I can honestly say I could NEVER do that but essentially thats what God did. And the newest relationship to help me better understand Gods love is the baby growing inside of me. Up until I got pregnant the second time I could not truely understand how God could love us all so completely and indivually- as if we were all His favorites. But I understand now. I love Ben as if he was the only one and everything he does is completely amazing and in the same breath I love this baby as if Id never had any other child. I can't even wrap my mind around how its possible to love two seperate beings so completely- one I havnt even officially met- but I do. It also boggles my mind that it takes our feeble minds all those different relationships to even get a glimpse of Gods love and yet He loves us in all those different ways all the time. Never has been or will there be a more complete Love. Its crazy!!! So is the fact that it took all that to get out my random thought about loving my children-BBL
Alright now I should probably get the updates out of the way. I had an ultrasound Friday and they moved my due up a few days. It is now October 13, which because Im having another c-section, means I will be bringing my newest bundle home around Oct. 6. So I have a little over 6 months to purchase all the things I need to bring the baby home, like a crib and car-seat. Omy goodness I just almost give myself an ulcer everytime I think of how much money its all going to cost. Hopefully I can grow a productive enough garden to sell a lot of the produce and help with all the baby costs. Oh it should be an interesting summer :)
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
March 16, 2011
Wow I always think its only been a couple days since I last posted but then when I input the date I realize its been like a week-oops. I dont know why I wait so long in between posts, every night as Im laying down to bed I think of all these fun witty thing to say but by morning Ive completely forgotten every single one of them. Oh well, but man if you could hear the thoughts in my head when Im thinking those funny things-BBL
I also go to bed every night with a list of things Im going to different the next day to be a better wife and mom, like making sure Ben drinks more milk or working on letters with him or actually doing the dishes after each meal. It never seems to actually work out that way though. For one my son has absolutely no interest in learning his letters, sometimes I can convince him to do his name for a little bit but he gets bored so easily and I struggle to find way to make it fun for him. I wanted to take him outside and try letters with chalk to make it more fun today but of course it cold and yucky outside today. And its supposed to be that way all weekend:( And even if it cleared up a bit its cold enough that with his cough I dont want him outside. He doesnt really like coloring or Id color with him.
I am going to try and get some blueberry muffins made today for Joe to take for breakfast in the mornings. My wifely duties, like cleaning and cooking have defiantly slid to way side the last couple months. Im SO tired. I cant wait to get a little further in the pregnancy and get some of my energy back. I was doing really good about keeping our house clean, baking, and cooking for my boys everyday until I got pregnant and now Im doing good to accomplish one thing a day before Im completely spent. I feel so useless:( Thank goodness my husband understands.
On a completely unrelated topic Ive decided to start doing book reviews as I get them read. The last 2 days Ive been reading a book called The Enchanted Land by Jude Deveraux. Its a historical romance set during the beginning of the California gold rush. A young Kentucky heiress can only inherit her fortune and family land if she marries a guy and lives with him for a year on her fathers property in New Mexico. There are several conflicts in the book, the main one being whether the two main characters will give in to their love for each other or give up on it. But in between there are several other things like the women being kidnapped while they're in transit to New Mexico and her hubby having to save her. And later she gets sold to a human trafficker that then sells her to a whore house and then shes sold yet again at auction to the highest bidder. She does eventually make it back to New Mexico but then the original conflict takes over again. It was a very good story and kept your interest throughout despite it being a rather thick book. I didnt always like the will they wont they aspect though cause sometimes it was simply caused because the guy was a jerk. But overall I would reccomend it.
I also go to bed every night with a list of things Im going to different the next day to be a better wife and mom, like making sure Ben drinks more milk or working on letters with him or actually doing the dishes after each meal. It never seems to actually work out that way though. For one my son has absolutely no interest in learning his letters, sometimes I can convince him to do his name for a little bit but he gets bored so easily and I struggle to find way to make it fun for him. I wanted to take him outside and try letters with chalk to make it more fun today but of course it cold and yucky outside today. And its supposed to be that way all weekend:( And even if it cleared up a bit its cold enough that with his cough I dont want him outside. He doesnt really like coloring or Id color with him.
I am going to try and get some blueberry muffins made today for Joe to take for breakfast in the mornings. My wifely duties, like cleaning and cooking have defiantly slid to way side the last couple months. Im SO tired. I cant wait to get a little further in the pregnancy and get some of my energy back. I was doing really good about keeping our house clean, baking, and cooking for my boys everyday until I got pregnant and now Im doing good to accomplish one thing a day before Im completely spent. I feel so useless:( Thank goodness my husband understands.
On a completely unrelated topic Ive decided to start doing book reviews as I get them read. The last 2 days Ive been reading a book called The Enchanted Land by Jude Deveraux. Its a historical romance set during the beginning of the California gold rush. A young Kentucky heiress can only inherit her fortune and family land if she marries a guy and lives with him for a year on her fathers property in New Mexico. There are several conflicts in the book, the main one being whether the two main characters will give in to their love for each other or give up on it. But in between there are several other things like the women being kidnapped while they're in transit to New Mexico and her hubby having to save her. And later she gets sold to a human trafficker that then sells her to a whore house and then shes sold yet again at auction to the highest bidder. She does eventually make it back to New Mexico but then the original conflict takes over again. It was a very good story and kept your interest throughout despite it being a rather thick book. I didnt always like the will they wont they aspect though cause sometimes it was simply caused because the guy was a jerk. But overall I would reccomend it.
Friday, March 11, 2011
March 11, 2011
Omygoodness definatly going to be praying for the people of Japan today. On of my biggest fears are earthquakes and drowning, to have to face them both in one day I cant even imagine. Praying they find all the missing people, Im praying they find them alive! And also praying that those nueclear reacters continue to not leak and that they are able to get everything cleaned up and repaired in remarkable time. Faster than anyone expected.
On a lighter note about all I got accomplished yesterday was a nap and doing some puzzles with Ben. So today there is definatly some dishes and laundry calling my name. And running the vaccum probably wouldnt hurt either-hahaha. Ben has decided to spend his day jumping around the house like jackrabbit. He keeps climbing up on top of his little stool and jumping off like hes superman. On the bright side its not real high so he probably wont break any important body parts-BBL We may also make it outside to paint Bens rock collection. I was thinking about painting different bugs on each one and lining our walk with them. Though in all reality I m not sure I have that much paint on hand so that project may have to wait until I make a trip to Target. I also need to get some decorations made for St. Paddys day and Spring and Easter. I know rediculus I havnt done any of that yet. I cant wait to be done with this trimester and to feel like a normal person again! Cause Im also going to need to get that garden in sometime this month. I have tomatoe plants, brussel sprouts, carrots, and onion plants all ready to be planted, it should be a good garden:) Well I guess if Im going to do these things I better get to it.
On a lighter note about all I got accomplished yesterday was a nap and doing some puzzles with Ben. So today there is definatly some dishes and laundry calling my name. And running the vaccum probably wouldnt hurt either-hahaha. Ben has decided to spend his day jumping around the house like jackrabbit. He keeps climbing up on top of his little stool and jumping off like hes superman. On the bright side its not real high so he probably wont break any important body parts-BBL We may also make it outside to paint Bens rock collection. I was thinking about painting different bugs on each one and lining our walk with them. Though in all reality I m not sure I have that much paint on hand so that project may have to wait until I make a trip to Target. I also need to get some decorations made for St. Paddys day and Spring and Easter. I know rediculus I havnt done any of that yet. I cant wait to be done with this trimester and to feel like a normal person again! Cause Im also going to need to get that garden in sometime this month. I have tomatoe plants, brussel sprouts, carrots, and onion plants all ready to be planted, it should be a good garden:) Well I guess if Im going to do these things I better get to it.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
March 10, 2011
Oooooo very grateful for a full nights sleep:) Granted I woke up several times because I had to pee. Youd think your body would want as much sleep as possible before you have baby who will keep you up at all hours of night. Not my body though Im lucky if I get a solid 4 hours at a stretch before I wake up to potty or just wake up and lay there for no apparent reason. Yuck and I really needed sleep last night.
Yesterday Joe had me get up 5am so Ben and I could go to the base with him to get an oil change in our car, because we are still functioning with just one car. So Ben and I went all the way to base for an oil change that took a whopping hour and then had to wander around until 3pm when Joe got off work. Granted we did meet him for lunch in between times. Poor Ben again was begging to go home as soon as the car was done. I did manage to appease him with a trip to the park so it wasnt all bad. Then we ended up not getting home till late because even after all that I still had to run to the pharmacy, library, and the mall to pick a game Joe had reserved. By the time we got dinner done I was soo ready for bed and it was only 8:30:)
So as Im sitting here writing this when a commercial came on for "Your baby can read" what a crock. It may very well help children read at a ridiculously early age but by high school they'll all be on the same page again. It doesnt make the children any smarter it just wastes perfectly good time you could spend reading to them and cuddling. I dont understand why you would want your children to grow up faster than they have to? Im perfectly content to read too, snuggle-when he will, and help Ben with all those things that are still a little much for him like buttons and writing his name:) Instead of wasting my time trying to teach Ben to read today Im going to play outside with and were going to collect some new rocks. Because for whatever reason he loves rocks. We can work on reading after his birthday so hell be ready for kindergarten.
Yesterday Joe had me get up 5am so Ben and I could go to the base with him to get an oil change in our car, because we are still functioning with just one car. So Ben and I went all the way to base for an oil change that took a whopping hour and then had to wander around until 3pm when Joe got off work. Granted we did meet him for lunch in between times. Poor Ben again was begging to go home as soon as the car was done. I did manage to appease him with a trip to the park so it wasnt all bad. Then we ended up not getting home till late because even after all that I still had to run to the pharmacy, library, and the mall to pick a game Joe had reserved. By the time we got dinner done I was soo ready for bed and it was only 8:30:)
So as Im sitting here writing this when a commercial came on for "Your baby can read" what a crock. It may very well help children read at a ridiculously early age but by high school they'll all be on the same page again. It doesnt make the children any smarter it just wastes perfectly good time you could spend reading to them and cuddling. I dont understand why you would want your children to grow up faster than they have to? Im perfectly content to read too, snuggle-when he will, and help Ben with all those things that are still a little much for him like buttons and writing his name:) Instead of wasting my time trying to teach Ben to read today Im going to play outside with and were going to collect some new rocks. Because for whatever reason he loves rocks. We can work on reading after his birthday so hell be ready for kindergarten.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
March 8, 2011
Ok I know its been a few days since my last post. This pregnancy has been so completely different than Bens. Ive had such a headache for several days and morning sickness that seems to last all day without end. Its been horrible! I am extraordinarily blessed that my husband understands and has put extra effort into helping out around the house. Hes made dinner several times and put Ben to bed. Im so blessed:)
On another note our budgeting has brought new and exciting challenges to our lives. California truly is significantly more expensive than the midwest. This last week I set our budget with the same amount set aside for groceries that I always do which is about $100 a week. But even shopping at the base where you dont have to pay tax and a lot of times they have discounted prices that wasnt enough. I was very careful to only buy what was on my list and stick to sale items and I still ended up spending over $200. I will admit I cryed and had a complete breakdown over the cost and the fact that its only going to get worse. My wonderful husband calmed me down though by reminding me that though yes prices are going to continue to raise we will be paying off several debts in the next few months that will free up around $300 so it should balance out. And hopefully we will get the other debts we still have paid off in the next year. I cant wait until we actually have savings built up and our paychecks are only needed for essential bills not debts we acquired in stupidity years ago. And Id also like to be in a place that if my son wanted to go to the popcorn place I could just say yes instead of always putting it off:(
Goals for today include getting Ben to take a bath. One thing Im definitely putting in our budget is Avon body color soaps for Easter. Ben loves those things and hes out so I for the sake of cleanliness I will be getting him some more:) Beyond that Im hoping to get the house cleaned. Its been well over a week since it was last cleaned. Granted that doesnt mean its completely disgusting its just bad enough that I would be slightly embarrassed if someone came to visit-BBL My headache is at a tolerable level today so I dont have an excuse to not do it, but dont tell Joe that just in case-BBL And my thought for the day is Praise God for spell check:)
On another note our budgeting has brought new and exciting challenges to our lives. California truly is significantly more expensive than the midwest. This last week I set our budget with the same amount set aside for groceries that I always do which is about $100 a week. But even shopping at the base where you dont have to pay tax and a lot of times they have discounted prices that wasnt enough. I was very careful to only buy what was on my list and stick to sale items and I still ended up spending over $200. I will admit I cryed and had a complete breakdown over the cost and the fact that its only going to get worse. My wonderful husband calmed me down though by reminding me that though yes prices are going to continue to raise we will be paying off several debts in the next few months that will free up around $300 so it should balance out. And hopefully we will get the other debts we still have paid off in the next year. I cant wait until we actually have savings built up and our paychecks are only needed for essential bills not debts we acquired in stupidity years ago. And Id also like to be in a place that if my son wanted to go to the popcorn place I could just say yes instead of always putting it off:(
Goals for today include getting Ben to take a bath. One thing Im definitely putting in our budget is Avon body color soaps for Easter. Ben loves those things and hes out so I for the sake of cleanliness I will be getting him some more:) Beyond that Im hoping to get the house cleaned. Its been well over a week since it was last cleaned. Granted that doesnt mean its completely disgusting its just bad enough that I would be slightly embarrassed if someone came to visit-BBL My headache is at a tolerable level today so I dont have an excuse to not do it, but dont tell Joe that just in case-BBL And my thought for the day is Praise God for spell check:)
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