Tuesday, March 29, 2011

March 29, 2011

Ok March has not been a good blogging month for me :) But Im going to try and get back on the wagon starting today, it helps me feel productive. My other goals for the day include dishes, laundry, making a white cake with chocolate frosting for my husband, and folding laundry which I detest. Im finally getting into my second trimester of this pregnancy and have so much more energy than I have had for weeks. It doesnt that hurt that for the first time in weeks its beautifully sunny outside or at least it will be when the sun finally comes up.

My random thought for this post is directly related to my pregnancy. I was musing yesterday about how the different relationships in our lives give us different insights into Gods love. And more so the love we give as oppesed to the love we get. For instance my marriage help me better understand the way Gods love is expressed in the Song of Solomon that passionate all consuming type love. Then just recently a friendship of mine helped me better understand Gods never ending love. She terminated our friendship because I disagreed with some of her life choices and told her so when asked. Yet I still love her as if nothing happened and it gave me a better understanding of how God must feel when His feelings for us never change we just walk away and there is nothing He can do short of controlling our very thoughts. And finally my relationship with my children I think gave me the most insight. It wasnt until I had him that I understood #1 how God could love all us, even the screw ups, so unconditionally and #2 it made His love so much more real- for lack of a better way to state that. I mean I can NOT comprehend loving someone like that. It would be like discovering Joe had another child he didnt know about-which is not possible might I add- out there somewhere that had been raised in the most deplorable conditions and suffered the most unthinkable abuses. Now pretend we were given the chance to save that child but to do so we'd have trade Ben for that kid for a year. So for a year Ben would endure all those things but wed get him back and wed be able to give that child the home it always should have had. The catch is not only does Ben have to endur that but theres no guarantee that the other child would want to stay with us. After the year is up that child may very well choose to go back to all that and Ben suffered for nothing. Its mind boggling people!! I can honestly say I could NEVER do that but essentially thats what God did.  And the newest relationship to help me better understand Gods love is the baby growing inside of me. Up until I got pregnant the second time I could not truely understand how God could love us all so completely and indivually- as if we were all His favorites. But I understand now. I love Ben as if he was the only one and everything he does is completely amazing and in the same breath I love this baby as if Id never had any other child. I can't even wrap my mind around how its possible to love two seperate beings so completely- one I havnt even officially met- but I do. It also boggles my mind that it takes our feeble minds all those different relationships to even get a glimpse of Gods love and yet He loves us in all those different ways all the time. Never has been or will there be a more complete Love. Its crazy!!! So is the fact that it took all that to get out my random thought about loving my children-BBL

Alright now I should probably get the updates out of the way. I had an ultrasound Friday and they moved my due up a few days. It is now October 13, which because Im having another c-section, means I will be bringing my newest bundle home around Oct. 6. So I have a little over 6 months to purchase all the things I need to bring the baby home, like a crib and car-seat. Omy goodness I just almost give myself an ulcer everytime I think of how much money its all going to cost. Hopefully I can grow a productive enough garden to sell a lot of the produce and help with all the baby costs. Oh it should be an interesting summer :)

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